i broke up with my phone

Remember when you were young and you used to play pretend? For me, it would inevitably happen like this. I’d be sitting inside and I’d tell my mom that I was bored. She would then spat off that I can either go outside and play or she’d put me to work if I told her I was bored one more time. It didn’t take much else to get me off the couch and out the door at that point. More often than not, I’d find myself grabbing my brother, running out the back door, through the back gate and trotting catty corner through my neighbor’s back yard to get to my friends house. With a knock on the door, my brother and I’s friends would come running down the stairs and we’d head across the street to Cartwright Park. For hours, we would play man on the wood chips or pretend we were spies and run all around the park- finding treasures and hiding from the bad people. As the sun would begin to set, we’d hear mom yelling for us to come home for dinner and through the backyards my brother and I would run, making our way home again.

After reading the book, How to Break Up with your Phone by Catherine Price, I started thinking about playing pretend a lot over the past couple of months. Specifically, I’m wondering how many children now a days play pretend? How many of them who are in late elementary school are out playing on playgrounds with their friends? Are they out exploring hidden places and climbing trees or are they all still inside, satisfying their boredom with their phones.

Creativity is often sparked by boredom, which is another mental state that our phones are great at helping us avoid.

- Catherine Price, author of How to Break Up With Your Phone

Phones take away our boredom and therefore our creativity. They rob us of our joy and supplement true happiness with manufactured bliss. The worst part is, we don’t even recognize that it’s happening when it first starts. Little by little, we spend more and more time on our phones. We pull out our phones when we’re bored, when we have a couple of minutes to spare between classes or at the start of meetings, we even pull out our phones while we are hanging out with our friends- making sure that there isn’t something better happening out there that we might be missing out on.

Half the time, we don’t even realize that we do this. Grabbing for our phones is so second nature to us now that we don’t bat an eye when we do it- it’s so instinctive that when we don’t have our phones on us, we realize that it is missing more than we realize when it’s present.

Once a habit has crossed the line to an addiction, it can be triggered by cues that are so subtle that we don’t even notice them.

- Catherine Price, author of How to Break Up With Your Phone

Over the month of July, I gave up social media. That meant deleting Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn from my phone and logging out of Facebook and Twitter on my laptop. Prior to embarking on this, I recorded my screen time in June and then tracked it in July. In June, I was spending almost 40 hours a week on my phone. Of that, 20 hours was spent on social media. Below is what I tracked in the month of July.

I found some direct correlation between my pickups and notifications. When I received more notifications, I picked up my phone more often. What changed at the end of July is that I turned off almost all notifications on my phone which DRASTICALLY changed how many times I picked up my phone and, subsequently, how much time I spent on my phone. The high points on scree time came from the 4th of July, Amazon Prime Day (the random spike in the middle of the month), and a trip to North Dakota at the end of July where I was using my phone to look things up A LOT.

So where am I at now that it’s been over a month and a half since this social media break? Let me tell you.

  1. It’s really REALLY easy to fall back into old habits. It takes patience, forgiving yourself, and real perseverance to break bad habits- especially breaking up with your phone.

  2. I redownloaded Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn but kept Facebook off my phone. If I need to use Facebook, I log in via my internet app and that is a pain, let me tell you.

  3. With the school year starting up, I find that when I do spend time on my phone, I’m spending a significant amount of time using my phone for work now. From using Slack to communicate to my team to posting content on Instagram and Snapchat for Stadium, I’m using my phone for work more than I had been during the summer.

Sometimes I find myself spending meaningless time on my phone and those are the moments that I am working to quit. What I will say about all of this, though, is that your own recognition of your personal usage is the catalyst that you need to get any real change started.

Enjoy your life. Be present with your friends. Put down your phone.

1/2 Way Done

“Every once in a while, a revolutionary product comes along that changes everything.”

- Steve Jobs, introducing the first iPhone in 2007

In 2007, I was entering my freshmen year of high school. I was this shy, timid kid who was trying to convince my parents to let me get my first phone. Eventually, on my 15th birthday, they finally allowed me to get one. While not an iPhone, I absolutely loved my LG Shine. I wasn’t able to text on it, only make phone calls, and if I could try to wait until nights and weekends to make my calls (after 9 pm), that was better too; that way we didn’t spend a ton of money on our minutes each month.

Mom and Dad saw my phone as a tool more than anything else, and in reality, that’s actually what it was.

So when did our phones turn from a tool we used to improve our life to a device that sucks us into a spiral of mindless swiping?

“Feeling bored or anxious? Check your e-mail. Nothing there? Check social media. Not satisfied? Check a different social media account. And then maybe another one. Like a couple of posts. Follow some new people. Check to see if those people followed you back. Maybe go look at your e-mail again, just in case. It’s easy to spend hours on your phone without using the same app twice- or staying focused for more than a few seconds at a time.”

- Catherine Price, author of How to Break Up With Your Phone

I just recently finished a book titled How to Break Up With Your Phone by Catherine Price- it’s a quick read and well worth the $10 price tag it’s currently listed for on Amazon. I HIGHLY recommend that everyone with a phone read it because of how incredibly troubling it was to learn from Catherine Price how much our phones are configured to addict us to them. Like a bad relationship, they suck us in and while we can admit that the relationship isn’t super healthy, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s really hard to end it, to make changes.

I read this book after already starting my social media fast and it changed a bit of my perspective on why I needed to get rid of social media for a while. It made me realize that social media is a problem in my life, but only a product of a much larger problem- my phone.

Since reading this book, I’ve been more intentional in tracking my phone screen time through my phone’s settings and it’s crazy to experience the real change between using my phone less and having more time to do everything else I want to do. I’ve included the data since beginning this journey earlier in the month and will provide another update once the month is over.

My Phone Screen Time Data

Through this process- I’m learning that my phone doesn’t need to run my life anymore, that I can instead rely on myself more and utilize my phone as a tool rather than thinking of it as an extension of myself.

It’s been a cool journey to be on and as I head toward the end of this month, I’m excited to see where I land with it after all is said and done.

social media no more

In January, I started on a journey called 19 for 19, where I set 19 different goals that I wanted to work toward throughout the year. One of those is a social media fast in the month of July, and with that starting tomorrow, I wanted to share with you all a bit of my why for doing this.

When I wrote 19 for 19, all I outlined about this goal was that I was going to be taking a month off from social media. I’ve considered doing this for several years now, but I always justified not doing it because I was in charge of different social media accounts for businesses and organizations. I’m choosing not to use that as an excuse anymore but to get to the real reason why I am doing this, I want to share about my journey with social media over the years.

Let me set the scene for you. It’s 14 years ago, I’m in 6th grade, I just turned 12 years old, and my parents FINALLY allowed me to create my very first hotmail e-mail account. I remember sitting around our old desktop computer with several of my friends, Nate, Zach, & Tyler, as we debated back and forth on what my new e-mail handle should be. Back then, you were locking in not only your hotmail account, but also your MSN Messenger username. After much debate, we settled on dvguy_14@hotmail.com, and so began my dive into the world of social media. Everyday after school, you could catch me on the computer, logging into MSN messenger and hoping my other friends had already logged on for the afternoon.

Then came Facebook. With expertise that can only be described as equal to that of a FBI agent, I created my first Facebook account on March 5, 2008, without my parents knowledge. For five months, I hid my Facebook activities from them until one fatal day (August 18, 2008, to be exact) when they discovered that I had created a Facebook account and my ruse was up. At that point, my mom made me change my profile picture from a “cool” photo of me to a “lame” photo of my name that I created on Microsoft Paint so that my face wouldn’t be out on the web for others to see and find me.

my very first Facebook profile photo- the definition of cool

my very first Facebook profile photo- the definition of cool

my second Facebook profile photo- courtesy of my Mom

my second Facebook profile photo- courtesy of my Mom

I laugh at that story a lot now because our society has come such a long way in our acceptance of what is shared on social media since those days 11 years ago. Through the years, though, I’ve created several other social media accounts to connect with people in different ways- Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, LinkedIn, and Pinterest. Every one of them serving their own, semi-unique purposes and every single one of them increasingly occupying more and more of my time on any given day.

As the years progressed, I continued to use social media to connect with friends but also added in using it to run business/organization’s professional accounts. While that dynamic still exists today, I have reached a place where I want to spend less time on social media for social connections as well as less time just “browsing” social media just to pass the time.

If you know me well enough, you know that I’m a numbers guy so let’s take a look at some data courtesy of my phone’s screen time tracking.

In the last 7 days, I have spent an average of 5 hours and 30 minutes PER DAY on my phone for a weekly total of 38 hours and 38 minutes. Now that’s including everything from social media and playing games to texting, Face Time, and phone calls- so let’s drill that down to look just at the social media data.

In those 7 days, a total of 20 hours and 20 minute was spent on social networking apps:

  • Facebook: 10 hours and 26 minutes (avg. 1 hour 29 min a day)

  • Instagram: 4 hours and 45 minutes (avg. 40 min a day)

  • Snapchat: 3 hours and 55 minutes (avg. 33 min a day)

  • Twitter: 1 hour and 18 minutes (avg. 11 min a day)

A few months ago, I set time limits for these four apps specifically with the hope of cutting down my time on them each day but those limits have not been effective in keeping me from clicking the “ignore for 15 minutes” button; a practice I do throughout the day when I hit the limits. The screen time app goes even farther in its analytics of my usage and shares that I, on average, pick up my phone a total of 113 times per day and receive about 156 notifications every day- that’s even with having push notifications for Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter turned off. I also feel I should acknowledge that all of this data isn’t including the time that I spend on Facebook or Twitter on my laptop too.

I share all of this because I think there’s value in being vulnerable with everyone on how much time I actually spend on social media- it really is quite excessive.

That is why I am doing this. That is why I am taking a break from social media in July.

I am taking a break from social media because I want my life back. Instead of being social on my phone I want to be social in person. I want to take back those 20 hours a week spent on social media and redirect that energy elsewhere.

When I look at the goals that I set back in January, several of them require a good amount of time committed to them, but when I spend so much time a week wasted away on social media, it sometimes feels impossible to reach those goals.

This next month, I’m excited to read more, to focus more on creating/developing Mankato Drinks, to put more energy into other Web Design/SEO work, and to be more intentional with connecting with my friends right here in Mankato. In August, be on the look out for an update on how all of this went for me.

I’ll see you on the other side.

this is me.

In January, I told myself that I would commit to writing a new blog every month and oh man how badly I have failed at that. I hype up writing to be this grandiose thing that needs to be perfect before the world ever sees it.

These last 6 months, I’ve thought a lot about vulnerability (thank you Brené Brown) and how it is so easy to preach vulnerability but it’s a whole different ball game to be practicing it. So with that in mind, here I am, being vulnerable about my life the past 6 months and writing a blog that isn’t 100% perfect, but it is real, and that should count for something.

I’ve had a hard time being me over the years. Specifically, i’ve really sucked at relationships and being vulnerable with my feelings.

Let me explain.

When I was younger, my Dad and I would sometimes argue about silly things where I thought I was right and he was certain that I wasn’t. After some back and forth, one of us would eventually say, “Wanna bet?!” and Dad would wager a dollar or something. And you know what, every single time, I was wrong. I honestly can’t remember a time when I was younger that I won one of those silly bets with my Dad.

I share this story because back then, I was always in awe with how my Dad could always win those bets. As I’ve grown older, though, I’ve realized that Dad only won those bets because he only bet on things that he was nearly 100% certain that he would win. My Dad’s ability to always win these silly bets taught me about not taking chances when I’m not close to guaranteed the win.

Now don’t read that story and think that I blame my Dad for me not taking chances or being vulnerable with people, I absolutely do not. I think I’m just naturally a person who doesn’t like to take a lot of risks and my Dad taught me about how to be smart with some of the risks I do or do not take. I’ve always been someone that only likes to do things when the outcome is a sure thing; when it is a near 100% guarantee that I will win, be right, or be accepted.

I share this because relationships have been tough for me. When it comes to relationships, I struggle to name my feelings because of the fear of things not be reciprocated and the heartache that accompanies it.

I don’t like taking chances on things that aren’t guaranteed- like sharing my feelings for a girl.

I grew up in a small town where we were taught not to show our emotions and taught not to share too much with others because so and so down the road would gossip to everyone else and soon the entire town would know. While this is an over simplification of a small town thing, the underlying truth is that I have carried the need to have a guarded heart with me for my entire life.

That mentality has almost surely tanked my ability to be vulnerable in relationships and put my heart out on the line at the risk of feelings not being the same.

A bit ago I mentioned that I don’t like taking chances on things that aren’t guaranteed- like sharing my feelings for a girl. For the past several months, I’ve been trying to impress this girl who I’m not even sure knew that I liked her. The story that I had been telling myself was that my flirting was enough and that this girl was into me too- but without ever confidently speaking my feelings to her, the opportunity passed by me and I never got the chance to tell her how I felt.

I failed to share my feelings. I failed to be vulnerable with her. I failed to tell her how incredible I thought she was, even though it was so easy to tell others back home how much I was into her.

I don’t really have an ending to this post. I’m just trying to be more vulnerable and today, that’s looking like writing down my frustration with myself not being willing to take chances in relationships.

I wish I could say that things are going to change because I would like to take steps in that direction, but today really just looks like naming my gaps, being vulnerable with anyone reading this with where I’m at, and making a commitment to strive to be more vulnerable in relationships moving forward.

Missional Perspective

Why, after 5 trips to Jamaica, did I feel like I didn’t really spend my week being as productive as I could have been? Now for those of you reading this who supported me on the trip- I urge you to keep reading, this post isn’t as bleak as that first sentence may lead you to believe.

But in all seriousness, I walked through my latest week in Jamaica wondering why things felt so different. I’ve taken several trips now that follow the Helping without Hurting in Short-Term Missions video series curriculum on RightNow Media. This series is based on the book, When Helping Hurts, which puts a spotlight on poverty alleviation around the world. The video curriculum specifically focuses on training and developing teams in a model of doing short-term missions work that helps to empower local leaders and support long-term missionaries in the field.

Acknowledging the truth in this video series has been easy for me in the past and I believe that the series speaks a lot of truth into the students who take this trip each year. However, my attitude toward the trip this year felt different from the very beginning. I found myself asking the question, ‘Why does a mission trip quit feeling missional?’ The question felt so weird and dirty to say out loud given that I’ve gone on this trip 5 separate times now over the past 7 years.

More specifically, I was walking into this year’s trip feeling less and less like I was going on a mission trip and more like I was just going back to Jamaica to visit friends in country.

I felt weird about that all week. I felt guilty that maybe I shouldn’t have been a leader on the trip.

It wasn’t until the very last day of our trip that I finally got some clarity and felt resolve toward this question and it came in the form of a conversation with a long time friend. Andrea and I have known each other for 6 years now. We were both heavily involved at UNI and ran in the same social circle through college. She’s someone who’s thoughts and opinions I value hearing because I know that she will be honest with me in conversation and tell me how it is- not mincing her words to make someone feel better about themselves.

Jamaica, Dan, 2019- 13.jpg

Standing in the lobby of our hotel, I shared with Andrea that I had been feeling like I was just visiting friends on the trip and that the missional side of it was missing this year. In previous years going to Jamaica, I was asked to build relationships with our team, the students, the teachers at CCCD and with those engaged in full time ministry in Jamaica- and I did. I know their names and parts of their story. I’ve built friendships with them and am excited to see them when they’re able to make trips to the states to visit and when I get to visit them in March. These relationships took years to form, but in making them, the trip evolved from a mission trip to a foreign country to a trip to visit some friends. Friends who are just living their own lives in a different part of the world. They work there, they go to school there, and they have their own community there.

They’re not less than me. They’re not better than me. They’re equal to me.

Processing this reality with Andrea helped me to better understand why I was feeling they way I felt about the trip. She then hit me with some more truth- my role as a leader on this trip was about being missional with the students we bring.

Like I said before, I’ve gone on the trip several times and have become friends with some of those living in Jamaica. But as a leader on a college-aged mission trip, my purpose on the trip shifts a bit from focusing on building relationships with those living in Jamaica to leading the college students we bring as THEY build those new relationships.

On a trip where I thought I had already grasped the concept of HE > me (John 3:30), I learned even more how much bigger God is. This trip evolves. The people change. But our God remains bigger than any of that. Back in 2016, this trip helped me better understand how God was at work in my own life and now, it’s really neat getting to watch God use this trip to work in other people’s lives too. I was still able to continue building my friendships and relationships with the student, teachers, and missionaries, but at the end of the day, my long term mission work is the college students we take down to Jamaica. In Jamaica this year, I walked alongside some college students who finally had space in their life to process how God was at work in them. They were able to experience a new culture for the first time and begin seeing how others in a different part of the world worship.

Jamaica, Dan, 2019- 32.jpg

To get back to the point that I made at the very beginning of this post, it’s completely okay that I didn’t feel as productive in Jamaica this year as I have before because this year, I began recognizing my new purpose serving as a leader on the trip. I spent so much more time this year than ever before in conversations with our college students and now that I’ve been back in America for a month, I have been able to continue those conversations as the students readjust back to their life here.

Serving on a missions trip looks different for everyone and I am very thankful for the friendships I have made down in Jamaica and the fact that I get to continue those year round. I’m also thankful, though, that I get to continue serving our college students now that we are back in America by being in community with them and encouraging them to continue exploring their own faith journey.

19 for 19

A couple of days ago, I was chatting with a friend about the new year and they shared with me that they were in the process of creating 19 goals for 2019. So admittedly, this is not an original idea but one that was hijacked from someone else. Nonetheless, I am sharing my 19 goals for 2019 because I have learned over the years that I am at my best when others know the things I am working on and are able to hold me accountable to them. In order to help me with that, I’ve created a new page on my site, 19 for 19, which will be a place for me to update my progress along the way and for you to check in to see how I’m doing. So with that, here are the 19 things that I am going to work toward in 2019.

  1. From 215 to 180
    My weight has been something I have always hated. Throughout high school, I was well aware that I wasn’t as thin as the other guys in my class and while I’ve accepted that I won’t be the thinnest person ever (nor do I want to be) I do recognize that I have some extra weight on me that I can afford to lose to be in better shape.

  2. Exercise 3 times a week
    To help me accomplish goal #1, I am going to strive to exercise 3 times a week at the gym. Got to get my money’s worth out of my gym membership some how, right?

  3. Read 12 books
    For the past two years, I’ve set a goal to read 6 books a year and have successfully accomplished that. This year, I want to read a new one every month.

  4. Start my mornings at 6 a.m. everyday, no matter what
    I like my mornings a whole lot, but as I head into 2019, I want to make my mornings more consistent. Whether on a vacation or just a Saturday morning at home, I want to keep a consistent routine in the morning.

  5. 52 new recipes
    It is my goal to cook a new meal every week this year.

  6. Travel to 4 different countries
    This is a stretch goal for sure, but I want to travel this year because why the heck not? Jamaica and Germany are in the works. Canada would be cool too. Anybody want to pick a 4th and go with me?

  7. Floss my teeth
    My dentist will surely be happy about this one. I can’t be the only one who doesn’t floss until the week before their dentist appointment in hopes that the dentist won’t yell too much at me, right?

  8. Publish a new blog once a month
    I go through weird hills and valleys with blogging but it’s one of the things that I absolutely love to do. I want to challenge myself to find something new to blog about every month.

  9. Social media fast
    I’ve never taken a true break from social media because for so long, many of my jobs have required that I run different social media accounts. I’ve turned off notifications for most of my social media apps on my phone but in July, I plan to take the month off from all social media.

  10. Volunteer
    Throughout college, I loved volunteering my time with Dance Marathon but haven’t taken the time since to discover a new opportunity to volunteer with.

  11. The side hustle
    Since moving to Mankato, I’ve worked on three websites for local companies and loved getting to do it in my free time. This year, I want to take this thing further and start working on more website for other local businesses as well as expanding into SEO for these businesses.

  12. Get better at golf
    Last summer, I received a set of left handed clubs from my grandpa so that I could finally start golfing instead of being the designated golf cart driver. I went out a couple of times and loved it- I’m just not that good… yet.

  13. Learn sign language
    Ever since going to Jamaica for the first time back in 2013, I have wanted to learn more sign language. I have some basics, but I want to learn to the point where I can hold a conversation with someone.

  14. Downsize
    When I moved out of my 8th street house and subleased for different people before moving to Minnesota, I packed up my life into two campus. 1- the stuff I needed/wanted with me in the house and 2- the stuff that got packed away in storage for two months. Through this, I realized I have quite a bit of things that I can get rid of because in all actuality, I don’t need to keep that bandana from church camp 10 years ago. Do you get the picture? This winter, I want to downsize my life and get rid of the excess.

  15. Grow my hair out
    So you may be thinking- why is this a goal? Well, let me tell you. I’ve wanted to grow my hair out for a while but have never committed to doing it because it hits a point where it looks weird and I just give up and get it cut. My last hair cut was on October 8, 2018, so I’m currently almost 3 months into this thing.

  16. Save up 6 months of expenses
    Growing up, my dad would listen to Dave Ramsey in the car and now that I’ve graduated and am paying off a loan- I’ve been following Dave’s baby steps toward financial freedom too. In 2019, I plan on paying off my loan and want to put away 6 months of expenses before beginning to invest money.

  17. Reconnect with my people
    After moving away from Iowa a year and a half ago, I realized how easy it is to fail to reach out to your friends back home. And it’s never because you don’t want to, it’s just simply a fact of what life looks like now. Moving into 2019, I want to be more intentional with connecting with some of the people who impacted my life throughout college but I haven’t always done the best of staying connected with.

  18. Run a 5k
    I’ve done 5ks before and enjoyed them, but I’ve never been in good enough shape to run a 5k from start to finish without stopping.

  19. Curling Champion
    Last year, I took a learn to curl class and was hooked. This year, me and 3 other guys are competing in a 12 week curling league on Thursday nights and I want to win it all. Somebody has to, why can’t it be our team?